Before breaking up with someone, check off some of these items on a list.
A young man once wanted to break up with his girlfriend.
He didn’t say why they split up; but when we started unpacking their relationship, there wasn’t anything wrong.
He’d just decided that a clean split was best for everyone. He had no idea what she thought about it; he hadn’t asked. But he couldn’t see her point either. He’d made up her mind.
The trouble was he didn’t think straight. He had lost touch with reality. And from that state of mind he had decided to break off the engagement. That would make things easier for him.
Did he make the best decision?
Here’s a checklist to help you decide if breaking up is right for you.
If you’re feeling down, clearing out your mind often means starting with the person closest to you: your partner.
Before pulling the trigger, it’s smart to ask yourself these questions.
1 – How Is My Mental State Right Now?
Dip into your own mental and physical state. What’re you feeling right now? Is your mind clear and calm? Or do you feel anxious or stressed out? Are you happy? Sad? Angry? Happy? Excited? Frustrated? Confused?
One of the hall marks of anxiety and depressive disorders is negative self-talk. It is therefore important to be aware that our thoughts influence our actions.
Sometimes these thoughts lead us into trouble and we need to take action to change them.
It’d be easy for us to say “simplify everything!” but we shouldn’t forget about our relationships and connections.
So ask yourself that…
2 – Will This Decision Change My Life?
If you ask yourself “Will ending this relationship significantly change ____?” when your thoughts are skewed, you’re likely to make poor choices in your personal and professional lives.
So, before making any big changes, stabilize your emotions first.
3 – Am I Blaming My Partner?
It’s true that intimate relationships play an important role in our happiness. However, we must be cautious when attributing unhappiness to a single cause; it usually occurs from a combination of factors.
Before you start targeting any one thing or person too heavily, figure out what’s going on for you first.
4 – What Kind of Person Am I Currently?
Depression is hard to deal with, both because of its unpredictable nature and because people often don’t want to admit they’re struggling.
Be honest about yourself in the relationship. Do you treat your partner with respect? Did you acknowledge to them that you aren’t easy to be with at certain times?
It’s important to recognize who’s in your corner, and give thanks to those people who stay there over the course of your life together.
5 – Our Relationship Was Good Before, Why Did It Change?
If you’re asking if your previous relationships were solid and enjoyable, then yes, they probably were.
If your relationship was previously good, but now things aren’t so great, then you need to figure out why.
You may be feeling overwhelmed because of something else going on in your life, or you could just be having a bad day.
Whatever the case, if you’re not happy, there’s no point in staying in an unhappy situation.
If you’ve been feeling like you’re walking on egg shells for years, there’s probably something wrong with your relationship. Try to understand why.
6 – What Else Am I Going to Do to Improve My Mental Health?
Look at your life from a distance. Is it what you want it to be? Do you feel good about it? Are you happy with how you’re living?
Do you feel like you’re taking care of yourself? Do you feel like your health is okay? Take stock of where you are right now.
Make note of any areas you’d like to improve upon. What do you think needs to change? How would you like to feel?
When you’re depressed, don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Your relationships deserve better than that.